Name: prideofprewett (Signed) · Date: 09 Mar 2024 05:46 PM · For: But We Do

Jacque congrats on being a finalist for this story too!

 

I love how there's a slow build and tension strewn out through the entire story. And then you sort of burst through the tension bubble in these brilliant little ways, first with Al physically inserting himself between Scor and Lily and then later with the stuck record player and then with Lily fleeing and the walk and...it was just so well done. I kept hoping they would hook up and the way you navigated everything (such pining omg and Scor's line about picking a place that is close to her...I cannot!) up until that point made it all the sweeter whenever they did hook up in the end. 

 

That line: "Let's not be friends // we argue anyway," feels very smug!Scorpious and I thought it was such a great ending to this one-shot. 

 

~ Courtney

Name: Predictable Chaos (Signed) · Date: 09 Mar 2024 12:51 PM · For: But We Do

Ah, and we’ve crossed the line from friends to more than.  You did a great job increasing the angst with each event. I particularly like how they just got rid of Rose and Albus butts in, sitting between them, completely oblivious to the electricity between these two. (Won’t he be surprised. . . if they tell him tomorrow.)

Then she turns away to walk outside and I think, well it isn’t going to happen—until the umbrella shows up to walk her home.

I particularly like the last lines where he suggests that they don’t be friends. (What a way to ask a girl out) and that they bicker anyways. . . ah, sounds like the perfect start to a relationship. Just ask her Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron.

 

Name: grumpy cat (Signed) · Date: 02 Mar 2024 02:15 PM · For: But We Do

hi fren!

 

i can't tell you how much i love this. like

 

i'm swooning

 

you know i love these two in call it what you want and reading this lil prequel has given me all heart eyes and starry eyes and just,,,, it's just so so well written! the tension is always there, right from the start, there's pining and stifled feelings and like since the moment the story starts it's just like a snowball that gains more snow and more momentum as the story goes until FUCKING FINALLY they kiss and it's perfect

 

it's also sad

 

i have to keep reading call it what you want to see them get together again

 

and make me not sad, y'know

 

but i love love fucking love thissss

 

kris

Name: WriteYourHeartOut (Signed) · Date: 27 Dec 2023 08:43 AM · For: But We Do

Well, this was adorable! I really enjoyed your writing, and I thought you built up the will-they-won't-they tension extremely well. I think it's impressive that you were able to establish that so strongly in such a short one-shot, in whcih we don't really know all that well your versions of Lily or Scorpius, but still we can feel that this has been building between them for a long time, and hope that they can finally have their moment. This line was one of my favorites: "There's a moment; a blink of recognition for the invisible line we step to but never cross." Lovely writing. The ending was also quite ambiguous in a way I really enjoy, because he says "Let's not be friends then", but he doesn't clarify if that means lets be more than friends or less than. I also felt that you gave Scorpius quite a lot of character here, you established who he is very well in such a minimal amount of words. We get a really good sense of the pressures of his life and the attitude he faces it down with, and while we don't get quite as full a read on Lily, we get enough from both of them to really root for each. Really well done, I truly enjoyed this!

Name: dreamshadow (Signed) · Date: 02 Sep 2023 08:35 PM · For: But We Do

hi jacqueline! here to judge for the friends don't challenge - thanks so much for entering :]

this was honestly the perfect mix of angsty and fluffy. i loved that it started with them out stargazing on the roof and then albus just meddles his way in - i'm a sucker for a brother's best friend trope and i have a feeling that this happens quite a bit, albus inserting himself in between lily and scorpius at the most awkward times. and you could really feel the tension with them from beginning to end - the connections to that invisible line that they never seemed to cross before now was a great theme running throughout

i also loved how they kept finding reasons to stay and hang out - it's late, they've been drinking a little, but they clearly enjoy spending their time together. also, the scene with the vinyl records and the screw-top rose felt very "maroon" and i absolutely ate it up. and i loved that that scene was lily wanting to be close to scorpius, but then he follows her out to the rain so he could at least walk her home in it was obviously him wanting to spend time with her <3

AND THEN THEY KISSED!  i wasn't sure if they were going to or not but with all the buildup in the previous scenes, i was glad they caved into desire and finally let themselves have this moment, especially with their futures so uncertain - and of course, the "we probably shouldn't do this" and the "forget it, let's do this" attitude - fantastic

honestly, the end left me wanting more, but in a good way, which means i'll probably be checking out call it what you want at some point

nice job!! thanks again for entering <3